It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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