How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
