How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
