..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
