Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
