i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
