Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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