Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
