i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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