she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
