In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
