you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
