i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
