It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
