I wish I could punch you in the face.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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