my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
