I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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