That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize