His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
