I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
