just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
