Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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