now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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