he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
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