my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we're making bets on your personal life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
