I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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