I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
