I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
