i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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