the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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