the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
