Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
