I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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