omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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