Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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