Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize