Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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