If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
