I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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