Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
