$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
