Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
