Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
