remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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