their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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