Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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