so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
