Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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