We're facebook friends in real life
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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