and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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