So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize