It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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