Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
