Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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