I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
