I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
