Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
