Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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