Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
