8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
