Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
