Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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