I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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