I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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