no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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