Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize