you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
