Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
