I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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