can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
