I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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