I just made out with a guy for $7.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
