My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
