Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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