I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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