is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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