Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
